Thursday, 31 March 2011

Round 16. Oodles more noodles.

Last round was teeming with your onomatopoeic references. All in the comments here.

Noodles were slurped, they swished and splat to and fro. There were booms and crashes, bams and pows.

At some point various noodle types were called upon by Flying Spaghetti Monster.
With their powers combined they become: Ninja Noodle! Ninja Noodle hacks, and slashes, and backstabs the life right out of O.
- Zippy
That seems to have done the trick because Onomatopoeia (I still can't spell it from memory) lost by 3 votes at the end.

Now, you guys are making me a bit sick of noodles, so we need a more than worthy competitor.
I believe we have just the thing.

These are some quite 'sober' noodles.


Aww! Too cute!

As always, vote Noodles or Panda in the comments.

Wednesday, 30 March 2011

NOOOOOODLES! Round Fifteen.

Metal has gone the way of the dodo in our little competition. I hope it took out medical insurance because noodles pretty much walked that round with votes at at about two to one.

It went down exactly like this: said...
Kermit, watching the battle from the Emergency room, gets a scowl on his face.

"Fmeh, I could have taken Noodles..."

However, the metal doesn't know what to do with them. Noodles can't be beaten, noodles can't be shredded. They're just too noodly.

Plus there is a secret the noodles carry.

A dark, dark secret.

Just as metallica decides the best way to destroy the noodles is to EAT them, the noodles begin to clump together and swarm... The mass of noodles begins to writhe and rise from the ground. Are the noodles floating? That's impossible!


YES! The noodles aren't just noodles!

IT'S THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER!!! Mad that he missed the F's, he snuck into the fight as noodles!

Poor metallica doesn't stand a chance against this pastafarian deity...

[x] Teh Noods

Thanks very much for that Lost.In.Idaho - always really imaginative and amusing suggestions for fight tactics from your corner.

And so, on with the next round. (I really like this one).

nom nom noodles


Onomatopoeia (which is also quite a mouthful.)


Get voting in the comments.

Thank you to all for returning and participating!

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

Round 14: METOLL vs. Noodles

Thanks to all for your suggestions. Ninjas, 'naggers', Numa Numa guy (no way!). Nickelback, Nickelodeon...

NyQuil was a popular choice. Careful now you lot - may cause drowsiness, do not mix with alcohol, do not drive or operate heavy machinery while on medication!

A (curious) anonymous visitor mentioned Noodles from (The) Offspring. I decided to run with that, but not quite so specific.

So here it is folks, Round Fourteen!

My! That is some heavy metal.


Be they instant, pot, fresh or in a rock band.

Okay y'all, get voting!

METOLL or Noodles in the comments!

All the best to both combatants,
the winner will face 'L' in the next round.

Monday, 28 March 2011

Round 13 "Kermit tried to kill the metal... but he FAILED! And was stricken down!" - the highlights.

I felt pretty bad pitting Kermit against METOLL, but it's you guys who delivered the blows.

It was no contest in the end and Kermit was thrashed by overdriven guitar, double bass-drums and shrieking male vocal.

Here are some highlights:

Malkavian said...
HELL YEAH Metallica FTW James looking like a Monster with cancer with that face and Ulrich Suing the hell out of all the muppets while Kirk Jams them into oblivion with a solo from the depths of hell, o yeah and Robert Trujillo on bass ripping it out with that spider pose.
Astronomy Pirate said...
I'm going with 'METOLL!' Metal would melt Kermit's face, stomp him to the curb, be used to wipe Metallica's rears (I bet that felt feels real nice), crucified upside down, and set on fire. said...
You can't kill the metal. Metal will live on. Kermit tried to kill the metal... but he FAILED! And was stricken down! [x} Metal - Not only because of Metallica, but Tenacious D rockin in the sidelines...
D4 said...
Oh damn I feel bad for Kermit. Those sweet riffs shred right through his stuffing. He has no chance. Totally on it for Metallica.

Jay.CA said...
Kermit puts on his hipster glasses, and walks out of the ring, deciding that Metallica is too mainstream, bro. problem?:D
Wait just a minute there Kermie, G'n'fn'R booms out through a 3 x 6 stack of Marshall amplification.

Rock fingers are thrust into the air all around as Kermit sheds his faux-nerd/faux-cool along with the glasses (METOLL will hit a guy with spectacles by the way) and concedes.

Grafted said...
Metallica (and Tenacious D) would have legions of metalheads behind them, ready to shred...muppets. METOLL! all the way
*Aaron M. Gipson said...
Lars points his best "Litigation Special" drumstick at the plucky amphibian and screams "KILL KERMIT!!" With that, James Hatfield heaves his guitar, and cleaves the head of his own lead guitarist in twain. "James, you stoopid a-hat, KERMIT! NOT KIRK HAMMETT!!! HOW COULD YOU BE SO G.D. STOOPID?!" "Me sorry, Lars...*sigh* Beer good" Kermit steps forward, "Hey guys, I have Dave Mustane's number if you need it..."

The Angry Lurker said...
All that long hair, sweat and studs, the noise will blow the frogs legs off.
Robert Fünf said...
Metallica knows how to Seek And Destroy to Kill'Em All. They will leave Kirmit and the the gang Broken, Beat And Scared, and be Hero(s) Of The Day.
G said...
There's no way Kermit can cope with Metalica playing TenaciousD covers! Even though the muppet band strike up a counter tune full of funky sax and improvised drum solos...the sonic resonance of the pounding baseline pulverises the pitiful frog Ms Piggy cries on Scooter's shoulder...
elexerdelex said...

*Charlie Sheen Award** 'WINNING!' comment
- always with the funny Aaron, much appreciated.
**Charlie Sheen Award not in any way associated with or endorsed by Charlie Sheen

 So there you have it. He never really did stand a chance, did he?

KO'ed Kermie, adorned by Hipster glasses.
(Not a good look, FYI)

The floor is open to suggestions again for Round 14, METOLL vs. an 'N' word.
(Not an invitation to be racist people - I will not publish such comments).

Make your suggestion,
laud The METOLL or say a prayer for Kermit's speedy recovery
in the comments.

Friday, 25 March 2011

Round THIRTEEN! Kermit vs. \m/ \m/ \m/

All at Alphabet Wars HQ forgoed their usual 4 o' clock "let's-knock-off-early-from-work" drinks to construct the Thunderdome style cage (mostly from plexiglass, duct tape, pipe cleaners, paperclips and clothes hangers).
(Not that there wasn't a beer or two shared during construction. ; ] )

And now, Thunderdome constructed, it's officially the weekend(!) so it is time to ensure (or try to ensure that) Kermit is unable to call on tag team or mob assistance....
...and so...
let the battle commence!

(I feel a bit bad - Kermit has never personally done anything to deserve what is to follow, but I know
Robert Fünf
had something as soon as he suggested it).

Candidate 'M' has been suggested, decided and may now be announced!

There he is behind the plexiglass...
...almost as optimistic as his new coach Amanda, 11 years old, from Kentucky (probably).

video sourced at (under creative commons search)
 (A triple 'M')
\m/ \m/ \m/

Okay gang, do your worst!

Vote Kermit or METOLL! in the comments.

Winner faces 'N' thing next round.

Round 12: Kermit vs. Leopard CONCLUSION!

The atmosphere is electric, the suspense is unbearable.

Leopard has retreated to his branch and there is a crowd of manic Muppets and puppeteers below scrabbling at the base of the tree for leopard steaks all round (they hungry!).
With no clear bias, Statler & Waldorf heckle from a tree branch opposite (

Statler: Go Leopard Go!
Waldorf: Go Leopard! But you like Kermit.
Statler: Yes, come on Kermit!
Waldorf: YES! Come on Kermit!

Leopard growls menacingly to silence the old codgers.

Leopard lifts his head to the sky and howls out the 'call of the jungle' (Astronomy Pirate) (also suggested by Robert Fünf - who added a comical West Side Story number for paws to click to) he summons more Leopards, even Snow Leopards and Lions (Zippy) - it remains unconfirmed if we are talking animals or operating systems on the latter two; either are relatively powerful.
Pumped full of tiger blood, Charlie Sheen hears the call too (Sheen doesn't need phones to communicate,, ; P ) but he's far too busy *WINNING!* elsewhere to assist. (

Even Big Smoke makes a return at this point, courtesy of a late vote from amBored.

 Wassup, yo? Groww street fo' life son.

Smoke throws a round or two of AK fire into the mess before realising it has nothing to do with gangsta shii', and even if it did CJ should do it since that fool needs to earn respect in the hood.
Besides which, he also spies a Leopard Tank responding to the call! (Voit)
Vrrrrt. Clack. Brrrrrm. Gggggrrrrph.
(Because that's what tanks sound like.)

Big Smoke jumps into his fire engine and splits the scene.

At this point, the Muppet crew are surrounded by ferocious animals, a tank and various mac OS's.
Things do not look good for them. But Kermit remembers the old Che Guevaran saying "if it's voiced by Frank Oz, it's part of the cause..." (Aaron M. Gipson) and from nowhere (because he can Jedi like that) Yoda appears!
He's listening to some filthy dubstep, so you know fur is going to fly!

casts another random vote at this time, for Halibut. Unfortunately (or fortunately) Halibut gets fried by Yoda's light saber. It's been days since anyone's eaten so Muppet, wild animal, puppeteer, tank operator, and operating system alike all agree on a temporary truce to get stuck in to a tasty fish dish.

After lunch and a little down time for the animals to stretch out and yawn, the fight gets back under way.

It's been close the whole way (literally one vote in it, either side, I promise), but the power of Yoda's jedi skills is just that bit too much for Leopard's gang.

Kermit wins, everyone having pulled out all the stops, by one vote! (If only Charlie had come through, Leopard may have been saved). Miss Piggy gets a brand new fur coat (G) and Kermit heads off home the victor!

So what now? Well, since Kermit was so devious (and some proposed disqualification)'s suggestion of a Thunderdome style cage will be required for the next round.

While all at Alphabet Wars HQ do overtime to pitch in on its construction, perhaps you guys could make suggestions for a worthy opponent for next round.

Post suggestions for next opponent (should begin with 'M') in the comments.

I would like to express my gratitude again to:
e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e, e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e,and E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E else for your contributions.
As I keep saying you guys make this happen, so do keep it up.