Friday, 25 March 2011

Round 12: Kermit vs. Leopard CONCLUSION!

The atmosphere is electric, the suspense is unbearable.

Leopard has retreated to his branch and there is a crowd of manic Muppets and puppeteers below scrabbling at the base of the tree for leopard steaks all round (they hungry!).
With no clear bias, Statler & Waldorf heckle from a tree branch opposite (

Statler: Go Leopard Go!
Waldorf: Go Leopard! But you like Kermit.
Statler: Yes, come on Kermit!
Waldorf: YES! Come on Kermit!

Leopard growls menacingly to silence the old codgers.

Leopard lifts his head to the sky and howls out the 'call of the jungle' (Astronomy Pirate) (also suggested by Robert Fünf - who added a comical West Side Story number for paws to click to) he summons more Leopards, even Snow Leopards and Lions (Zippy) - it remains unconfirmed if we are talking animals or operating systems on the latter two; either are relatively powerful.
Pumped full of tiger blood, Charlie Sheen hears the call too (Sheen doesn't need phones to communicate,, ; P ) but he's far too busy *WINNING!* elsewhere to assist. (

Even Big Smoke makes a return at this point, courtesy of a late vote from amBored.

 Wassup, yo? Groww street fo' life son.

Smoke throws a round or two of AK fire into the mess before realising it has nothing to do with gangsta shii', and even if it did CJ should do it since that fool needs to earn respect in the hood.
Besides which, he also spies a Leopard Tank responding to the call! (Voit)
Vrrrrt. Clack. Brrrrrm. Gggggrrrrph.
(Because that's what tanks sound like.)

Big Smoke jumps into his fire engine and splits the scene.

At this point, the Muppet crew are surrounded by ferocious animals, a tank and various mac OS's.
Things do not look good for them. But Kermit remembers the old Che Guevaran saying "if it's voiced by Frank Oz, it's part of the cause..." (Aaron M. Gipson) and from nowhere (because he can Jedi like that) Yoda appears!
He's listening to some filthy dubstep, so you know fur is going to fly!

casts another random vote at this time, for Halibut. Unfortunately (or fortunately) Halibut gets fried by Yoda's light saber. It's been days since anyone's eaten so Muppet, wild animal, puppeteer, tank operator, and operating system alike all agree on a temporary truce to get stuck in to a tasty fish dish.

After lunch and a little down time for the animals to stretch out and yawn, the fight gets back under way.

It's been close the whole way (literally one vote in it, either side, I promise), but the power of Yoda's jedi skills is just that bit too much for Leopard's gang.

Kermit wins, everyone having pulled out all the stops, by one vote! (If only Charlie had come through, Leopard may have been saved). Miss Piggy gets a brand new fur coat (G) and Kermit heads off home the victor!

So what now? Well, since Kermit was so devious (and some proposed disqualification)'s suggestion of a Thunderdome style cage will be required for the next round.

While all at Alphabet Wars HQ do overtime to pitch in on its construction, perhaps you guys could make suggestions for a worthy opponent for next round.

Post suggestions for next opponent (should begin with 'M') in the comments.

I would like to express my gratitude again to:
e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e, e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e,and E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E else for your contributions.
As I keep saying you guys make this happen, so do keep it up.


  1. ...lets see Kermit "beat" that

  2. mac-and-me, I would be very interested in who would win that one.

    nahmy, tut tut. That's a bit risque. But quite funny all the same. : P

  3. Great recap! Nice to see all the other bloggers in on the game.

    For the next battle, I suggest the one and only...Marilyn Monroe! :p

  4. vs the pokemon Machop or Machamp!!!!

  5. I also vote for Masturbation!!

    It can never lose!!

  6. Ack! Stop 'voting' for masturbation. It is an amusing thought, but this isn't a democratic vote, just want suggestions.

    There's no chance I'm putting that up on the front page! (Aside from the fact that 'suitable' pics would be difficult to 'come' by. (Get it?!)

    ; P

  7. I reckon Masturbation would pull it off, Come out on top, and give us all some release.
    here's a suitable pic

  8. I vote to pit Muppet vs Muppet. Over the intercom, the battle master calls "Representing M... Miss Piggy!!!" The looks on their faces would be priceless.

    Or you know. If you want to see some celebrity carnage, you can always say Miley Cyrus.

  9. Mystery Science Theater 3000? That would at least make it puppet vs. puppet (except for, not Mike...Joel).

    And on a side note, I'm not so sure Erika should be suggesting things like that considering her own open vote challenges, the natural perversion of the blogosphere, and the fact that we've already established how cute she really is....just sayin'.

  10. all you had to do is to follow the damn train CJ :D I lost to it again

  11. Lost, I really don't think I could do it to Missy Piggy. She has no problem throwing the 'Haiii-yah's around outside of the ring, but the prospect of being pitted against the love of her life could devastate her! Or then again, it's an opportunity for extended smooches. Perhaps Kermit would just surrender?

    Aaron, agreed about Erika. She seems to have no fear, that one.

    amBored - couldn't resist, and it was your fault for casting the random vote!

  12. Lightsaber fried Halibut? Sounds delicious

  13. Well, Metallica is the Master of Muppets, right? (Or was that "puppets"? Either work.)

  14. Masturbation would be REALLY funny, but I wouldn't see anything being able to beat it. Speaking of beat it, I say Michael Jackson, undead and ready to kick ass. Oh yeah.

  15. Also, masturbation would be funny picture-wise to get creative with. Pee-wee Herman, the kid from the Stacy's Mom video, etc. references!

  16. Statler & Waldorf are muppet trolls XD

  17. I'm with the Muppet suggestion...the ironic twist of fate as the Muppet Mercenaries drafted in by the lowly Kermit unite to overthrow their master and claim the spoils for themselves...and who is the ringleader? The Maniacal Ms Piggy resplendent in her new coat... laughing at the naivety of a trusting little frog

  18. Robert - liking the Master of Puppets suggestion.
    I wonder would there be enough appeal to take on Kermit?

    Enough with the 'masturbation'! You should all be ashamed. Won't someone *please think of the children*? ; ]

    G 'resplendent'. I *love* it!

  19. Im with Robert Metallica, cant be beaten Ulrich will sue all of the muppets into submission.

  20. I like Robert's idea. or Marshmallows.

  21. masturbation would be the total combobreaker here

  22. I like astronomy's marshmallow idea LOL


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